Laying in a hospital bed after surgery, I felt peace. Mind you, it was a drug induced peace, but peace all the same. I couldn’t worry, I could barely put thoughts together or even open my eyes. I simply lay there, coming in and out of consciousness.
The drugs were doing their job. My body had been through a trauma and I was being numbed so that I wouldn’t feel what had happened. My body was beginning its recovery. Feeling the pain in its fullness would have certainly impeded healing as my stress levels would have been through the roof. Yes, having a sense of physical numbness was definitely better.
I could tell that my husband, Alan, was there, but I didn’t have enough energy to speak to him. I remember feeling his presence as a kind of warmth, a knowing that someone I love, and who loves me, was near. Words weren’t necessary. Presence was enough.
Sometimes in life we can hit a numb place, a desert or fog like experience. Some might call it a dark night of the soul. Whatever you call it, it can be a little unsettling. In these times, God is gracious enough to let us feel numb as He is bringing healing to a place deep within our soul.
If you are in such a place, take heart. It doesn’t last forever. Receive the grace for each moment. If you are truly in a dark night of the soul, this numbness is exactly where you should be. It is a great grace to take you to another level of wholeness in Him. Think of the fog / numbness / darkness as a gift from a loving Father who wants your ultimate best.
Rest. Breathe. Be.
“So I tell you, it is to make the soul rise from imperfection that I withdraw from her feelings and deprive her of the comfort she had known.” (Catherine of Siena. The Dialogue. Trans. by Suzanne Noffke, O.P. Mahwah, NJ: Paulist Press, 1980, p. 119)